• Mar 2, 2025

Building the Antidote to the Inner Critic

Do you have that critical internal voice - announcing all your flaws, mistakes, and failures?

The voice is cruel. It says, "You are not good enough. Noone likes you. You are a bad person." It’s exhausting. And we’re worried that it’s telling the truth.

In therapy, sometimes we call it the inner critic, or negative self-talk. Believing those thoughts can keep us feeling stuck and miserable.

When we work with clients, we like to begin by understanding the evolution of this voice. Together, we can explore why this voice developed, and what it is saying. In therapy, we will identify the core claims of this voice, and process their meaning. The expectations of the inner critic become clear. We understand its logic.

And with that we can begin to challenge it.

Challenging it can be difficult. That inner critic has lived there for a long time. It can feel overwhelming trying to annihilate that voice altogether. So, we move gradually, with small steps. This looks different for every person. Challenging your inner critic is unique for everyone. My favorite technique with clients is focusing on "self-neutrality".

Self-neutrality is the practice of viewing ourselves with acceptance and neutrality. For example, we may fear we are "bad", and feel exhausted at the prospect of trying to convince ourselves we are, in fact, "good". But, let’s look through a self-neutral lens. Rather than try to convince ourselves we are "good", we acknowledge our humanity. People are imperfect. We do things both good and bad. Our actions are not our essence.

The inner critic expects perfection. And perfection is not real.

Together, we will work to change this mindset. We can challenge the inner critic by framing our struggles through our humanity.

Gradually, the voice becomes less all-knowing. We learn to see it for what it is - irrational, catastrophic, and needlessly judgmental.

Through consistent and focused practice, we can begin to loosen the grip of the inner critic.

Changing these established patterns can feel uncomfortable and unnatural. It is not a straight line from suffering to healing. Rather, the discomfort in the journey teaches us to trust the process. And through that, we trust ourselves.

Despite what that inner critic may be saying, choosing this path takes a lot of strength. And you can do hard things.